Friday, April 20, 2012

My Little Blue Pill

I've been living in a bit of a fantasyland.  Seriously, the past couple months have been the best start to a year for as long as I can remember.  So much so that I just said to my hubby last week, "The shoe's gotta drop sooner or later."  Damn, I forgot to knock on wood.  This past week, a black cloud moved over my little world... my bubble that has been the perfect balance of family, fitness, work and friends. Nothing major or life-threatening, but drama that was enough to weigh heavily on my heart.

You see, I give 110% in just about anything I do.  I don't like, don't know how, to do things halfway.  Do it right or don't do it at all.  That's kinda my mantra in life.  I believe in treating others as you wish to be treated.  I try my best to give everyone the benefit of the doubt even when popular opinion says otherwise.  I believe the good in people. I help people to the best of my ability. I sincerely want everyone to like me, thus I forgive too easily. While these may sound like good things, they also bring me hurt and pain.  Not everyone is happy to see me so... happy.  Whether it be in the fitness arena or in the workplace, there is a tricky balance in being a leader.  In order to inspire, you need to put yourself out there, to make yourself somewhat vulnerable.  And with that comes risk.  My mind turmoils today whether that risk is worth the rewards.  I easily get wrapped up in the momentum, and eventually need to step back and check myself.  Check my priorities in life.  Am I where I want to be?  The answer is usually a renewed focus on my marriage, children and my personal health... and let everything else fall into place after that.

Yesterday I ran... twice. In the morning with a jogging stroller, I pushed that weight up hills and relished in the pain.  In the evening, I busted out another 3 miles on the treadmill... the last half at an 8:20 pace (that's fast for me!).  Afterward I was completely dialed-in at Spin class.  I felt in tune with every song and pushed myself hard. There is something about a hard sweat that makes worries trickle away and perspective clear.
This is my therapy.




No matter what gets thrown my way in life, I will never again be that fat girl who ate a gallon of ice cream or got wasted with beer.  My drug of choice is endorphins, and I will forever be on the run in search of them.

This weekend, I'm escaping "home" to Wisconsin.  We have a nice family get-together planned to celebrate my Little Girl's birthday... and I run the Oshkosh Half Marathon on Sunday.  I've got tension and stress under my skin that is gonna explode at the starting line.  If weather cooperates, I'm going after that PR, or at least another sub-2.  If you'll be in Oshkosh, don't forget the bloggy meetup!

Are you racing this weekend?  Good Luck!
How do you deal with adversity in life?  Does it make you wanna run too?

29 comments:

  1. I'm sorry about your stress. That poor, helpless OshKosh Half isn't going to know what hit it! Good luck, kick a$$ and leave it all out there on Sunday.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sorry about the black cloud Jess. It sounds like you are handling things as best you can though. Big hugs and good luck this weekend. I hope everything in life works out and that you have a great race. Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm sorry about the stress, but remember no one can get to you unless you let them. Hugs!!! Hope the black cloud goes away quickly!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Understand the black cloud all too well... and the ice cream medication. Glad to see you have kicked that habit. :) Thanks for sharing. Vulnerability is risky, but it means a lot to your readers...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Aw. I so know how you feel. I have balance issues (not sure that's exactly what you are going through). I find myself off-balance all the time, then I have to step back. Sort of rethinking some things right now, in fact.

    You're gonna do great this weekend! Have a fun time with the fam and on your race!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm totally lining up BEHIND you cause I don't wanna get run over when you go flying across the starting mat!! Wisconsin is "home" to me too and I can't wait to see some family and friends. Supposed to be a little chilly/drizzly I heard... oh well the running will warm us up, right?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Good luck this weekend Jess! The weather is supposed to be hit or miss, but the biggest issue is the lake flies have come out in force. Here's hoping for a nice and bug free run!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Good luck this weekend! You are going to rock it! I usually depend on my runs to get the stress and negative energy out too. It works better than anything else for me:)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Use that stress as tacklin fuel(in my best Water Boy voice lol)and kick some bootie in WI!! I'll be thinking of you on Sunday! Hope your in better spirits when you return! =)

    ReplyDelete
  10. depending on my mood when stress hits it can knock me on my ass or I kick it in the face and move on. Jess you are awesome and I know that you will do awesome this weekend and look back at the stress and think you didn't get me. I eat issues like you for breakfast. Have a wonderful weekend.

    ReplyDelete
  11. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Good luck this weekend but I don't think you need luck. You've worked really hard for what you have accomplish. Have a good race! And sorry about the black cloud. It must have made it's way up north a bit so I'm sharing it a bit with you.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I am continually inspired by your running journey! Good luck this weekend and don't let those Debby Downers get to you. You deserve to be happy, and you work hard for it!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I totally understand where you are coming from! I run to stay at a healthy weight (lost 75 lbs), stress relief, alone time, etc. If I did not have running I would be a total mess. Good luck this weekend and hopefully you'll burn off quite a bit of that stress over the 13.1 miles.

    ReplyDelete
  15. just a 10K back in my college town for me. I love your attitude. I think I am a combo of letting the endorphins take over-honestly, that is why i started running-to get over pain in my life- but i’m not gonna lie-there are days where i enjoy being lazy on my couch or in my bed.

    ReplyDelete
  16. oh, jess i can SO relate to this. my drug of choice is endorphins too. it helps me every time. have a great weekend away!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Jess, I think you're great. Sorry you're stressed... I can relate... Have fun this weekend. Adversity makes me wanna run too... actually it makes me perform better :D

    ReplyDelete
  18. I will pray that the black cloud goes away quickly! I use my running and exercise to relieve stress almost daily.I love that exercise is my addiction.Keep inspiring people!!!

    ReplyDelete
  19. I think we all have those people who try to rain on our parades...Don't let em girl! You are too awesome!!! xoxo!

    ReplyDelete
  20. I hope you get back into your usual swing of things soon...I share your thoughts about exercise being the best 'drug' out there and hopefully it will help you get through this time too!

    ReplyDelete
  21. I know how you feel!!! :) But chin up, buttercup, running = everything is OK. Good luck on the race, you're going to ROCK IT!!

    ReplyDelete
  22. I love this line: "My drug of choice is endorphins, and I will forever be on the run in search of them." So true and very well put!

    ReplyDelete
  23. I'm sorry the shoe dropped, but I loved this post about what is your therapy. I complete relate.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Jess-you are the best, and I am inspired by you and your story! Hope this cloud goes away real soon and that it can be left under your feet on the race path! Hope you have an awesome race and hope little girl had a great bday celebration!

    ReplyDelete
  25. I had a similar situation recently :( Totally makes you feel defeated - but don't let anyone steal the wind from your sail!! Sorry it happened!! Keep on doing what you are doing and doing what you love.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Sorry about the black cloud-I had a thunderstorm in my life these past 2 weeks with a death in the family and another personal tragedy. I'm finally feeling like I can see the sun again! You will, too! :)

    Yes, I want to run when things get bad, but as bad as they got I could only crank out 4 runs in the past 2 weeks. It is on now! I am going to be a crazy running lady this week! :)

    Shannon
    http://www.everystepcounts365.wordpress.com

    ReplyDelete
  27. Excellent post and way to manage your stress. Such a wonderful example you are living. Go away black clouds!!

    ReplyDelete
  28. God luck this weekend. This Sunday I am running in my first half marathon. I too use exercise as my stress relief. Sorry for your stress but glad you were able to find an outlet.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Good luck this weekend Jess! Sorry for the stress in your life right now. Hope it gets better for you!

    ReplyDelete

I appreciate your feedback and comments!